Thank you for this, especially on here!! I feel so seen 🥹it’s honestly so hard for me to put my struggles on body image on here because for once I want to have a social media that is stripped from that identity. But you said it so well, the balance of needing to find joy in the little moments like ice cream with your friends but also physically wanting to “fix” your body. There is such a need to strike a balance and I really hope we get there 🫶🏾
Yesss! Honestly, I am ALL for stripping ourselves from that, but it's hard! I'm sooo glad this resonated with someone. Thanks for your lovely comment, I hope we get there too!!
My relationship with my body has improved so much since I swapped Instagram and YouTube time for Substack time.
At this point, celebrities aren’t the problem, and brands aren’t the problem. What’s seriously damaging is how filters and visual tricks make literally everyone on the video-based Internet look flawless.
But if you shut that part of the Internet down, what you’ll mostly see are regular people with regular faces and bodies, talking about regular things.
Now I spend my time online here, reading cool publications by middle-aged women—because if you’re stressed about weight at 29, just wait until ageism kicks in. It’s even worse because you can theoretically lose weight, but you can’t turn back the clock.
These women are rediscovering ways to relate to the world, and I find that incredibly optimistic.
Online propaganda in certain spaces only matters if we spend time in those spaces.
P.S. I hope this doesn’t come across as blaming you, Ellen. Sometimes we just forget that we do have the power to turn off the propaganda faucet and go live life. But I feel you, it’s hard. I really hope you start feeling better about yourself soon.
Nooo not at all, such a thoughtful comment, always appreciated!
Totally, totally understand what you’re saying, and think social media does play a huge role, definitely!
I think my issue is that I’ve also taken a lot of those steps, and I’m definitely living life, I’m not spending my days in front of the screen comparing myself to AI influencers, haha. But if an issue is deeply engrained enough, you see it everywhere, whether that’s TikTok, or tv, or just in conversation at a bar with your friends. It’s a society thing.
And then there’s more guilt in KNOWING I should be able to “turn that propaganda off”, or even trying to and failing. It’s such a complex one. But I’m so glad your relationship with your body has improved!! 👏🏻
Thanks for your answer, Ellen! It made me reflect on how much we can actually control our exposure to culture. You can take some steps, sure, but at some point, I think generational and even geographical factors come into play.
My experience as a 40-year-old mom living as an expat in Madeira, Portugal, is probably very different from that of someone in their twenties living in New York or LA. Our workplaces, friends, hobbies—everything shapes the culture we absorb.
So you're right: at some point, "turning the faucet off" isn’t so simple when these things are deeply ingrained in society or in ourselves. And again, I apologize if my earlier comment sounded insensitive.
For what it’s worth, I was a teenager in the late ’90s and early 2000s, and we were absolutely bombarded with lose weight no matter what messaging. Three of my closest friends developed eating disorders. It was no picnic, either.
Maybe, sadly, the policing of female bodies just shapeshifts with each generation, always finding a way to sneak back into our psyches. Sigh.
This is beautifully written and I’m sorry that you have (that anyone has) these thoughts…every single one of them bounces around my head all day everyday too. It’s SO hard because knowing that we would never think these things about others makes it not a bit easier to extend that to ourselves. But you said it all much better!
I recently got diagnosed with PCOS which made my weight-related struggles my entire life make so much sense. Off I popped to regular strength training, but my brain is struggling to make my peace with the fact that so far the weight isn't moving the way I want but that my body composition is moving in the right direction. Logically I can see the progress in how the 'scales' have tipped from fat vs muscle, but emotionally I'm in the zone of 'weight hasn't changed that much, oh god why am I unable to do anything'. It's so, so hard.
It is so so sooo hard! And harder still to make peace with not being at peace! I’m sorry to hear about your PCOS, but so so glad you’re able to understand your body/the struggle now!
I've got to a point, at 42 years old, where I'm mostly only concerned that my body is healthy and it doesn't hurt when I move. I know I'm overweight, and I can't say it doesn't bother me at all, but I'm getting closer to accepting me for me, whatever that means in the moment. But it's taken years of anguish and dealing with other issues to finally show my body some appreciation.
I love love love this attitude. And if it makes you feel any better I'm 29 and I'm now going back to yoga because my body definitely DOES hurt when it moves at the moment. Here's for a bit of body appreciation <3 Thank you for reading!!
Yoga is my lifeline, physically and mentally. I adore yin yoga (probably a bit too much, as I choose it over other types most often) but have recently added a small amount of strength training at home with a kettle bell, because I had way more flexibility than strength and that's not great for stability! If you haven't tried yin, I have some great recommendations of YouTube channels.
Thank you for this, especially on here!! I feel so seen 🥹it’s honestly so hard for me to put my struggles on body image on here because for once I want to have a social media that is stripped from that identity. But you said it so well, the balance of needing to find joy in the little moments like ice cream with your friends but also physically wanting to “fix” your body. There is such a need to strike a balance and I really hope we get there 🫶🏾
Yesss! Honestly, I am ALL for stripping ourselves from that, but it's hard! I'm sooo glad this resonated with someone. Thanks for your lovely comment, I hope we get there too!!
My relationship with my body has improved so much since I swapped Instagram and YouTube time for Substack time.
At this point, celebrities aren’t the problem, and brands aren’t the problem. What’s seriously damaging is how filters and visual tricks make literally everyone on the video-based Internet look flawless.
But if you shut that part of the Internet down, what you’ll mostly see are regular people with regular faces and bodies, talking about regular things.
Now I spend my time online here, reading cool publications by middle-aged women—because if you’re stressed about weight at 29, just wait until ageism kicks in. It’s even worse because you can theoretically lose weight, but you can’t turn back the clock.
These women are rediscovering ways to relate to the world, and I find that incredibly optimistic.
Online propaganda in certain spaces only matters if we spend time in those spaces.
P.S. I hope this doesn’t come across as blaming you, Ellen. Sometimes we just forget that we do have the power to turn off the propaganda faucet and go live life. But I feel you, it’s hard. I really hope you start feeling better about yourself soon.
Nooo not at all, such a thoughtful comment, always appreciated!
Totally, totally understand what you’re saying, and think social media does play a huge role, definitely!
I think my issue is that I’ve also taken a lot of those steps, and I’m definitely living life, I’m not spending my days in front of the screen comparing myself to AI influencers, haha. But if an issue is deeply engrained enough, you see it everywhere, whether that’s TikTok, or tv, or just in conversation at a bar with your friends. It’s a society thing.
And then there’s more guilt in KNOWING I should be able to “turn that propaganda off”, or even trying to and failing. It’s such a complex one. But I’m so glad your relationship with your body has improved!! 👏🏻
Thanks for your answer, Ellen! It made me reflect on how much we can actually control our exposure to culture. You can take some steps, sure, but at some point, I think generational and even geographical factors come into play.
My experience as a 40-year-old mom living as an expat in Madeira, Portugal, is probably very different from that of someone in their twenties living in New York or LA. Our workplaces, friends, hobbies—everything shapes the culture we absorb.
So you're right: at some point, "turning the faucet off" isn’t so simple when these things are deeply ingrained in society or in ourselves. And again, I apologize if my earlier comment sounded insensitive.
For what it’s worth, I was a teenager in the late ’90s and early 2000s, and we were absolutely bombarded with lose weight no matter what messaging. Three of my closest friends developed eating disorders. It was no picnic, either.
Maybe, sadly, the policing of female bodies just shapeshifts with each generation, always finding a way to sneak back into our psyches. Sigh.
Thank you for putting this into words! 🩷 this was beautiful
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad it resonated
This is beautifully written and I’m sorry that you have (that anyone has) these thoughts…every single one of them bounces around my head all day everyday too. It’s SO hard because knowing that we would never think these things about others makes it not a bit easier to extend that to ourselves. But you said it all much better!
This is such a lovely comment, thank you so much! I’m so glad it resonated with you (although don’t wish it on you either, obviously!!)
The accuracy.
I recently got diagnosed with PCOS which made my weight-related struggles my entire life make so much sense. Off I popped to regular strength training, but my brain is struggling to make my peace with the fact that so far the weight isn't moving the way I want but that my body composition is moving in the right direction. Logically I can see the progress in how the 'scales' have tipped from fat vs muscle, but emotionally I'm in the zone of 'weight hasn't changed that much, oh god why am I unable to do anything'. It's so, so hard.
It is so so sooo hard! And harder still to make peace with not being at peace! I’m sorry to hear about your PCOS, but so so glad you’re able to understand your body/the struggle now!
I've got to a point, at 42 years old, where I'm mostly only concerned that my body is healthy and it doesn't hurt when I move. I know I'm overweight, and I can't say it doesn't bother me at all, but I'm getting closer to accepting me for me, whatever that means in the moment. But it's taken years of anguish and dealing with other issues to finally show my body some appreciation.
I love love love this attitude. And if it makes you feel any better I'm 29 and I'm now going back to yoga because my body definitely DOES hurt when it moves at the moment. Here's for a bit of body appreciation <3 Thank you for reading!!
Yoga is my lifeline, physically and mentally. I adore yin yoga (probably a bit too much, as I choose it over other types most often) but have recently added a small amount of strength training at home with a kettle bell, because I had way more flexibility than strength and that's not great for stability! If you haven't tried yin, I have some great recommendations of YouTube channels.
Always happy to receive a yoga recommendation!!
Both Devi Daly and Timberlake Yoga do wonderful yin yoga ☺️