Things I think about a lot
Ft. Gossip Girl, The Titanic, and Duolingo
Before we launch into it, a heads up. This piece is fully inspired by a series The Cut used to run — a segment I’d pay good money for them to resurrect.
The premise was “I think about this a lot”, and contributors had free rein to deep dive into something they… think about a lot. It was unhinged and silly and serious and wonderful:
“I think about this a lot: Marge Simpson’s pink Chanel suit”
“I think about this a lot: Cher saying Tom Cruise was one of her top five lovers”
“I think about this a lot: Meadow Soprano trying to parallel park”
It was fun. It was thinking and writing for thinking and writing’s sake. And we all need to embrace that sometimes. To get something off our chests for absolutely no reason at all.
With that in mind, here are some other things that occupy way more space in my head than they need to:
Lily Van Der Woodsen’s cylindrical wine glasses in Gossip Girl
When I got my own place, I was a nightmare about finding the right wine glasses. Like, really, irrationally particular about them. I had a very clear image of a cylindrical, almost square, glass in my mind — and I refused to settle for anything less.
Where this image had come from didn’t occur to me. Until I rewatched Gossip Girl recently and realised I had based my taste in glassware entirely on what the Van Der Woodsens’ drank out of. They were identical
Mine were from Morrison’s, but that’s not the point… Now, I think about those glasses, and more importantly, the iconic GG Thanksgiving scene every time I pour suav blanc.
My own accent
This one hits me every time I catch myself saying “Mum” instead of “Mam”.
I’m one hundred percent recognisable as a geordie. But after a stint in London, a career involving mostly southern workmates, I’ve found myself slipping some words and phrases under the rug — “Mam” being the main one.
What can I say? A girl gets sick of people interrupting mid-sentence to say “aww Mam”, then tell me about another Geordie they know who also says “mam”.
And yet, every time I catch myself saying “mum” I have a mild existential crisis. Until, of course, I catch myself saying “cook book” or similar, and realise the geordie accent isn’t actually in danger of going anywhere
Those Juicy Tube lip glosses we all used to wear
I think about these whenever I see honey, or treacle, or a particularly old, scary looking lip gloss in my make up bag.
How did we actually wear these? Was the gloss/tar not physically dripping off our mouth with the weight of whatever was in it?? I’ll never understand what we were thinking — and I don’t know if I want to.
The Titanic
More specifically, the fact that The Titanic actually had more than the recommended number of lifeboats for a cruise liner at the time. Google it.
Everyone who knows me has heard this fact at least once. It’s my roman empire.
I’ll be entirely honest with you, I’ve been looking for a way to shoehorn this into a Substack post for a while now, and I’m glad I can put this specific one to bed.
Twin sinks
Twin sinks, for me, are the ultimate luxury indicator. Never mind the fact I live alone and absolutely don’t need — or particularly want — twin sinks.
If you have twin sinks, you’ve made it. I think about this every time I watch Grand Designs, or trawl RightMove for homes I can’t afford. There’ll inevitably be some grand, luxurious bathroom, and I will think “I bet they have twin sinks” and then, seconds later, I will be proven right. When they appear, I’ll nod wisely, satisfied. Twin sinks.
One specific post on LinkedIn that ripped Duolingo to shreds
This one might just be the marketing background, but one day, a really, really well written post on LinkedIn accused Duolingo of “chaos marketing”.
I can’t remember who it was (sorry), but if I ever find it again, they’re getting full credit. I think about their phrase every time I see that bloody owl.
The premise of it: every Duolingo post recently reeks of a brand trying to go viral, and honestly, it’s getting a bit cringe. Chaos marketing is over, Gen Z are too savvy for it, they know what you’re doing with your engagement farming. And I agree (sorry Duo).
The plot twist in One Day
Without talking specifics, this book changed me. I think I was about 15 when I read it, and it was my A Little Life. Except worse.
There’s one line (the plot twist line, you know the one), that plays in my head every time I’m at a crossroads, or driving out of a junction, or thinking about putting something nice off, or riding a bike…
Maybe it’s a good thing. Seize the day and all that. Thanks David Nicholls.
Molly Mae saying we all have the same 24 hours in a day
This lives rent-free in my head. Not just because it was wildly tone-deaf — although yes, obviously that too — but because of what it reveals about the way we frame success.
I think Molly Mae means well, for the most part. But it’s the idea that we’re all working with the same ingredients, when actually, some people are cooking with a full fridge and a private chef, and others are toasting bread with a lighter.
I think about it in the shower. I think about it when I’ve wasted half an hour doomscrolling. I think about it when I’m feeling guilty about not working late. I think about it as a joke to myself when I need motivation. I think about it when I see someone struggling under poverty. I think about it all.the.time.
It's one of those things that isn’t actually that deep but also… it kind of is.
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Absolutely love this!
Duolingo is actually in extra trouble for firing a load of people in favour of ai and describing themselves as an ai forward company