I totally get what you mean! We live in a big “weekend warrior” community (people going on long backpacking trips over their weekend or drive two hours to go rock climbing, that kind of thing) and my husband and I are SO indoorsy. We try to get out and do one thing so we have an answer to the “what’d you do this weekend” question. (Of course we find this to be helpful for us too because it encourages us to get out at least a little, haha). Thanks for sharing - definitely relatable, especially the part where you fear judgement from your peers 😅
Yesss!! It’s interesting that often indoorsy-ness can be associated with sadness or loneliness, when actually if you’re content with it, there’s no difference from the people who spend their weekends hiking etc! Thanks so much for reading 🫶🏻
I can totally relate to this piece! I live alone (although partnered) and don't have kids. Making plans with friends can be so tricky and I recently started a career break, so I'm home often. It took me time to come to it, but I now embrace solitude and having no plans. I'm fact, I'm grateful for it. I figure not everyone has the opportunity to have that quiet and peace when they choose. I do, so why not fully sink into it?!
Yes!! That makes so much sense. I think, what I realised when I was trying to draft this, was that I wouldn’t feel all that lonely if comparison wasn’t a thing. It’s not even that I’m free, it’s just that everyone else is less free 🥲 Im glad you realised this sooner than I did though! And thank you for reading 🫶🏻
Yes! Comparison is so tough, but I think the hold of it is a little less once you see it. At least, that's how I feel! I hope you enjoy your Friday nights at home to come!
Thankyou for sharing. I've had/have ZERO plans for ANY weekend in September. I'm late 30s,single, childfree and I live with my parents and our dogs. I'm also navigating a weird, unemployed /solopreneur start up /.... wtf am I doing with my life crossroads! So making any decision at the moment is proving difficult! 🙈😂 But similarly, the staying at home and living slowly...there's not actually anywhere else I'd rather be or be doing. Yes, I think I'm a happier and better human for having more like minded connection in my life but right now...being a bit of a hermit... I think it suits me just fine! ❤️
The “wtf am i doing with my life” crossroads are ALWAYS weird. I’m so glad you’re thriving in it though. I think you’re right, there’ll always be ebbs and flows at different parts of our lives. If September is a free month for you, own it. Love this for you. Thanks for sharing!! And reading 🫶🏻🫶🏻
heyyy just wanted to say i totally relate to you but also find peace with my solitude. it's not loneliness per-se, and i love seeing my friends when i get to see them too, even though they always seem to be busy and i'm always the one reaching out to make plans. but i also work from home and sometimes not socializing for a day sends me down a spiral so i just facetime a friend who's on the other side of the world, usually married doing her own thing, and we just gossip for a couple of hours and suddenly i feel better about being alone, on friday nights, like today. It's 6pm, i'm freshly showered and in my pjs, reading on substack before putting on a movie only I wanna watch, and i'm gonna have sooo much fun
I LOVE this!! I also think working from home is such a big factor, I’m exactly the same. If I was going into the office every day I’d definitely relish the time alone more often, I think. Hope you have a lovely night!! And thanks for reading 🫶🏻
Yes, it’s more than okay. I think beneath the veneer of social media, most people enjoy, or maybe even need, a peaceful Friday night to charge up for the weekend. Great piece!
Thank you SO much for saying that!! It's such a weird, vulnerable thing to admit that you don't have exciting plans on a night where it seems like everyone has exciting plans! I'm glad you liked it though, thanks for reading!
I wonder if other people try to make weekend plans so they don't look like they're chronically available. I intentionally keep Friday nights free for myself to decompress from the weekends, but am usually free on the weekends. When I was living in my hometown, I had the same issue of friends always having plans. It honestly got annoying how I was only able to see them once every few months, so I started spending my weekends going out on my own and posting about it. Soon enough, I had people reaching out to me to make plans instead of the other way around.
I think growing up we heard about introverts and extroverts and maybe filed ourselves in one but for many many years now I have realized I'm someone who not only can be extremes of both but also legitimately love being in both. I've traveled and travel a lot for leisure, I love the beach, I like going out and having fun, and sometimes there is value in just being loud in the world with others but at the same time I definitely value the mundane, oh its quiet and I'm going to catch up on this show or there are some books out there I need to check out, let me google my fave authors and see if they have anything new out.
If there is something I've identified is that just due to having a transitory life and maybe to some extent by my own design subconsciously that my friendships typically are one one one, meaning my friends are typically not friends with each other, so i very much don't have a group text of half a dozen people and can just say "let's go out" but I do have 30-40 people individuals I can plan a trip with or ask to come out or over.
being alone is a luxury that alot of people dont have. there are women all over the world wishing they had the freedom and peace that you do. i say take advantage of it and do YOU! seriously dont worry about the opinions of others, thats just gonna drive you crazy every time. if you’re happy being home alone on a friday night than more power to you!
As someone that went through a recent divorce, and lost a lot of my steady friend group, it took sometime to realize that the best company is me. I enjoy when I find company for a drink or a party, but I noticed I also started getting super hyped to spend time with myself. I am literally excited choosing what to cook and watch, or where to go if I am in the mood to get out.
I think you hit on it, it's a lot of schedules not lining up. I also think stage of life can sometimes but not always play into it like you said. But as the friend who is always requiring a ton of notice it has a lot to do (for me) with other schedules. Like, could my husband be home to watch our senior dog while I go out, do we have plans that I forgot about, do I have a heavy / stressful work load coming up and will I even want to go out on a friday night or a sat night or do I want to just veg out etc.
But I do think there's all this pressure to be doing something all the time and it's easier to feel that absence on a weekend. When I lived alone I was lucky to have my mom close by and I would actually drive to her house and spend weekends with her for a similar reason —hanging with her was my default weekend plans which I liked but if I didn't have that I'm sure I would have felt the weight of it even more!
All this to say, there's SO much pressure on this and if you're existing friend group is a little tough to make plans with there's always things like recreational sports teams and clubs that might help even if it's just a few hours on a Sat or a Sun! Or even a standing date you take yourself to like coffee and a walk around a different neighborhood. 🖤
Being comfortable with your own solo plans but suddenly feeling quite embarrassed when you have to share them with someone out loud is so real !! I think a lot of people are scared of being alone. So when they see someone capable of enjoying their own company they get triggered a bit. It drives them back to their own incapacity. When you reach the point of enjoying your alone time at home, oh man it’s such a treat… I’m still ashamed when I say that out loud. So I’ll keep saying it until it doesn’t. Thank you for this ;)
I really enjoyed reading this. From the shoes of someone that a) was once chronically single, b) is a total homebody and introvert, and c) struggled to make friends growing up, I'd always wonder whether I was the only one not invited out or without plans. It is so hard to pin people down, especially post-pandemic where every moment is more precious, but embracing solitude is great as well. Necessary, in fact. I miss my solo living, single in the city days, but equally appreciate this loved-up, really busy phase. The grass sometimes feels greener, eh?
Yesss!! My general attitude and approach to socialising has deeeefinitely evolved since the pandemic, and I also know I definitely have a tendency to fall down the grass is always greener trap too. Thanks so much for reading!!
as a teenager i feel so much of what you’ve written and often ask myself if maybe the problem is that i am less likely to go out than stay home and have a great time reading or listening to music
Hey! I’m so glad it resonated, thanks for reading! I think, if you’re doing what you enjoy, then it doesn’t seem like a problem at all. PLUS, as a teenager, you’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out and I looove that for you 👏🏻👏🏻
I totally relate to this and actually have a similar post drafted! I'm so embarrassed to not have plans at weekends, except I *love* not having plans so I'm just projecting fictional expectations onto myself. It's so easy to compare our 'norm' to others without knowing the BTS. I have a friendship group of old colleagues and we always struggle to meet up, but it's because some of us work shifts, some are self-employed, some are parents... none of us are really that busy socialising with others, we're just busy with day-to-day life!
I completely relate to scheduling 5+ weeks out. It's madness! I miss the spontaneity of getting a group of friends together on a random Tuesday. I'm hopeful it's just a season of life, with so many of my friends now married, starting to have families, with the high-stress job cherry on top. I've also leaned into solo Fridays, and enjoying the peace and quiet after a long week!
I totally get what you mean! We live in a big “weekend warrior” community (people going on long backpacking trips over their weekend or drive two hours to go rock climbing, that kind of thing) and my husband and I are SO indoorsy. We try to get out and do one thing so we have an answer to the “what’d you do this weekend” question. (Of course we find this to be helpful for us too because it encourages us to get out at least a little, haha). Thanks for sharing - definitely relatable, especially the part where you fear judgement from your peers 😅
Yesss!! It’s interesting that often indoorsy-ness can be associated with sadness or loneliness, when actually if you’re content with it, there’s no difference from the people who spend their weekends hiking etc! Thanks so much for reading 🫶🏻
I can totally relate to this piece! I live alone (although partnered) and don't have kids. Making plans with friends can be so tricky and I recently started a career break, so I'm home often. It took me time to come to it, but I now embrace solitude and having no plans. I'm fact, I'm grateful for it. I figure not everyone has the opportunity to have that quiet and peace when they choose. I do, so why not fully sink into it?!
Yes!! That makes so much sense. I think, what I realised when I was trying to draft this, was that I wouldn’t feel all that lonely if comparison wasn’t a thing. It’s not even that I’m free, it’s just that everyone else is less free 🥲 Im glad you realised this sooner than I did though! And thank you for reading 🫶🏻
Yes! Comparison is so tough, but I think the hold of it is a little less once you see it. At least, that's how I feel! I hope you enjoy your Friday nights at home to come!
I wholeheartedly agree! whenever someone asks me if I have any plans for the weekend, I usually just say say “probably reading”
I live in a very relaxed pace on purpose, and most people understand that’s a choice; we often are harder on ourselves than anyone else.
Okay THIS is what I need to be better at, the owning of it
A relaxed pace on purpose, I love that!
Thankyou for sharing. I've had/have ZERO plans for ANY weekend in September. I'm late 30s,single, childfree and I live with my parents and our dogs. I'm also navigating a weird, unemployed /solopreneur start up /.... wtf am I doing with my life crossroads! So making any decision at the moment is proving difficult! 🙈😂 But similarly, the staying at home and living slowly...there's not actually anywhere else I'd rather be or be doing. Yes, I think I'm a happier and better human for having more like minded connection in my life but right now...being a bit of a hermit... I think it suits me just fine! ❤️
The “wtf am i doing with my life” crossroads are ALWAYS weird. I’m so glad you’re thriving in it though. I think you’re right, there’ll always be ebbs and flows at different parts of our lives. If September is a free month for you, own it. Love this for you. Thanks for sharing!! And reading 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Thanks for the inspiration! I think I'm going to do a mini podcast ep on a similar theme for my own publication and I'll credit you accordingly ❤️😉
Omgggg yes love that, cannot wait to listen!!
heyyy just wanted to say i totally relate to you but also find peace with my solitude. it's not loneliness per-se, and i love seeing my friends when i get to see them too, even though they always seem to be busy and i'm always the one reaching out to make plans. but i also work from home and sometimes not socializing for a day sends me down a spiral so i just facetime a friend who's on the other side of the world, usually married doing her own thing, and we just gossip for a couple of hours and suddenly i feel better about being alone, on friday nights, like today. It's 6pm, i'm freshly showered and in my pjs, reading on substack before putting on a movie only I wanna watch, and i'm gonna have sooo much fun
I LOVE this!! I also think working from home is such a big factor, I’m exactly the same. If I was going into the office every day I’d definitely relish the time alone more often, I think. Hope you have a lovely night!! And thanks for reading 🫶🏻
Love the introspective nature of your writing.
Yes, it’s more than okay. I think beneath the veneer of social media, most people enjoy, or maybe even need, a peaceful Friday night to charge up for the weekend. Great piece!
Thank you!! I think so too, I just need the reminder every now and then, haha
just had a few similar thoughts racing threw my mind!! Friday nights alone can be amazing a day to watch films and/or relax!! You worded this so well
Thank you SO much for saying that!! It's such a weird, vulnerable thing to admit that you don't have exciting plans on a night where it seems like everyone has exciting plans! I'm glad you liked it though, thanks for reading!
I wonder if other people try to make weekend plans so they don't look like they're chronically available. I intentionally keep Friday nights free for myself to decompress from the weekends, but am usually free on the weekends. When I was living in my hometown, I had the same issue of friends always having plans. It honestly got annoying how I was only able to see them once every few months, so I started spending my weekends going out on my own and posting about it. Soon enough, I had people reaching out to me to make plans instead of the other way around.
I think growing up we heard about introverts and extroverts and maybe filed ourselves in one but for many many years now I have realized I'm someone who not only can be extremes of both but also legitimately love being in both. I've traveled and travel a lot for leisure, I love the beach, I like going out and having fun, and sometimes there is value in just being loud in the world with others but at the same time I definitely value the mundane, oh its quiet and I'm going to catch up on this show or there are some books out there I need to check out, let me google my fave authors and see if they have anything new out.
If there is something I've identified is that just due to having a transitory life and maybe to some extent by my own design subconsciously that my friendships typically are one one one, meaning my friends are typically not friends with each other, so i very much don't have a group text of half a dozen people and can just say "let's go out" but I do have 30-40 people individuals I can plan a trip with or ask to come out or over.
being alone is a luxury that alot of people dont have. there are women all over the world wishing they had the freedom and peace that you do. i say take advantage of it and do YOU! seriously dont worry about the opinions of others, thats just gonna drive you crazy every time. if you’re happy being home alone on a friday night than more power to you!
As someone that went through a recent divorce, and lost a lot of my steady friend group, it took sometime to realize that the best company is me. I enjoy when I find company for a drink or a party, but I noticed I also started getting super hyped to spend time with myself. I am literally excited choosing what to cook and watch, or where to go if I am in the mood to get out.
I think you hit on it, it's a lot of schedules not lining up. I also think stage of life can sometimes but not always play into it like you said. But as the friend who is always requiring a ton of notice it has a lot to do (for me) with other schedules. Like, could my husband be home to watch our senior dog while I go out, do we have plans that I forgot about, do I have a heavy / stressful work load coming up and will I even want to go out on a friday night or a sat night or do I want to just veg out etc.
But I do think there's all this pressure to be doing something all the time and it's easier to feel that absence on a weekend. When I lived alone I was lucky to have my mom close by and I would actually drive to her house and spend weekends with her for a similar reason —hanging with her was my default weekend plans which I liked but if I didn't have that I'm sure I would have felt the weight of it even more!
All this to say, there's SO much pressure on this and if you're existing friend group is a little tough to make plans with there's always things like recreational sports teams and clubs that might help even if it's just a few hours on a Sat or a Sun! Or even a standing date you take yourself to like coffee and a walk around a different neighborhood. 🖤
Being comfortable with your own solo plans but suddenly feeling quite embarrassed when you have to share them with someone out loud is so real !! I think a lot of people are scared of being alone. So when they see someone capable of enjoying their own company they get triggered a bit. It drives them back to their own incapacity. When you reach the point of enjoying your alone time at home, oh man it’s such a treat… I’m still ashamed when I say that out loud. So I’ll keep saying it until it doesn’t. Thank you for this ;)
I really enjoyed reading this. From the shoes of someone that a) was once chronically single, b) is a total homebody and introvert, and c) struggled to make friends growing up, I'd always wonder whether I was the only one not invited out or without plans. It is so hard to pin people down, especially post-pandemic where every moment is more precious, but embracing solitude is great as well. Necessary, in fact. I miss my solo living, single in the city days, but equally appreciate this loved-up, really busy phase. The grass sometimes feels greener, eh?
Yesss!! My general attitude and approach to socialising has deeeefinitely evolved since the pandemic, and I also know I definitely have a tendency to fall down the grass is always greener trap too. Thanks so much for reading!!
as a teenager i feel so much of what you’ve written and often ask myself if maybe the problem is that i am less likely to go out than stay home and have a great time reading or listening to music
Hey! I’m so glad it resonated, thanks for reading! I think, if you’re doing what you enjoy, then it doesn’t seem like a problem at all. PLUS, as a teenager, you’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out and I looove that for you 👏🏻👏🏻
I totally relate to this and actually have a similar post drafted! I'm so embarrassed to not have plans at weekends, except I *love* not having plans so I'm just projecting fictional expectations onto myself. It's so easy to compare our 'norm' to others without knowing the BTS. I have a friendship group of old colleagues and we always struggle to meet up, but it's because some of us work shifts, some are self-employed, some are parents... none of us are really that busy socialising with others, we're just busy with day-to-day life!
Yessss!!! Couldn’t have put it better myself! The embarrassment, the projecting of fictional expectations. Can’t wait to read your post!
I completely relate to scheduling 5+ weeks out. It's madness! I miss the spontaneity of getting a group of friends together on a random Tuesday. I'm hopeful it's just a season of life, with so many of my friends now married, starting to have families, with the high-stress job cherry on top. I've also leaned into solo Fridays, and enjoying the peace and quiet after a long week!